3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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