i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
