This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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