just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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