I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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