grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
