Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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