i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
