Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
