Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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