dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
