We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
