So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
