that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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