You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
