talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
