y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
