It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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