He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
