dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize