Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
