the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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