i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
