i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
