I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
