When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
