I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
how does that bad decision feel?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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