sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
