I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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