biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
