Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
