you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
