I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My pussy is not your playground.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
