I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
