this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
