so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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