I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
