my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize