he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize