Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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