Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
