If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
