I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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