I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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