i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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