I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
