So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize