I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
