Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
