I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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