i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
