If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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