just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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