is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
