My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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