could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize