Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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