I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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