My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
