I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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