whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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