I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
