oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
