Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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