I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
