just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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