Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
