that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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