I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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