he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
