i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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